Blog of a Confused Black Woman

K.... I supposed to be writing about something. I have a hard time collecting my thoughts into coherrent sentences. Maybe if I sit here long enough I'll think of something.......oh ok here we go.

I'm black. I don't know how many of you noticed. There are some people in this world who think white people act a certain way and latino people act a certain way and black people act yet another way. I think I've encountered many of those people (chuckle). I've been called everything from "different" to "oreo" to "white-washed" whatever that means. Why can't I just be Janai? I've spent my whole life trying to avoid the "black" stereotype. Why? So I could fit in? So I would be seen as smart and be liked by people who defined worth by skin color? Shame on me. Don't get me wrong - I love the person I am today. I love baseball, biology, and Pearl Jam. But the fact that I was pretty much ridiculed by so called friends and even my family for liking those things has made me very uneasy and angry. Sometimes my friends in high school would start a sentence with "Well, since you're black..." and I knew I was in trouble. I am not just talking about how blacks are stereotyped. I see how all people are put into categories and it really sucks. Everyone is guilty of it, including me. As children of God I think our first priority is to love Him and each other before we start worriying about anything else. I'm certain if He is our focus we won't worry about these things. I love where I have come from and I am awed at what my ancestors went through. I never want to forget it but for cryin out loud its the 21st century. I hate that people will read this and think they can't joke with me any more about racial things. I hate that I can get so defensive about this subject because I want to be seen as a person before I am seen as black. Maybe I'm over-analyzing things and maybe I'm too sensitve about it. I don't know. I am not a victim and I don't want to be seen as one. I just want to love and respect and be loved and respected without worrying about how much melanin is in the stratum basale of the epidermis (sorry its two years of anatomy and physiology coming out). But really let's move on.....I have spoken.... : /